Monster
by thatgirlwhowritessometimes
Summary: "Why don't you tell them about all the people you killed for Sal, huh? How you watched as the life drained from their eyes, how they went stiff and cold but you felt warm and happy and more alive than you ever had? Because you're a monster, Billy. A monster." Mob of the Dead zombies fic! Rated T for language.


**A/N:**** After coming across the death monologues of each Mob of the Dead characters, I thought Billy's was really sad but also interesting (if you haven't seen/heard them, check them out! They're pretty cool deeper looks into the four mobsters). I've integrated a bit of the stuff from Billy's two monologues in here, but otherwise the rest is mine! So yeah, if you like this little piece let me know, because I might do one for Weasel or Finn next.**

**Warning:**** Lots of bad language because Billy has quite the potty mouth.**

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own these characters, nor do I make a profit from this work.**

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Is this how you thought it would end, Billy? Well, what did you think? You think you'd end up a wealthy, respected man, say, with a pretty wife and maybe even a coupla kids? Hah! What a fuckin' joke. Didn't anyone ever tell you not to believe in fairytales, Billy?

See, the thing is, fairytales are just that - they're _tales._ Not real, fake, never gonna happen. But, yeah, they're there for a reason. They make you drive for something - you know - _dig_ and work your ass off. You just never get what you want in the end. It's all false hope, something hollow to believe in. That's the problem with fucking fairytales.

But maybe that's why everyone believes in them anyways, 'cause they think they can prove ya wrong or some shit, that they can have the happy ending that nobody else got. Buncha idiots if you ask me. But I guess that makes me an idiot too, then. You were fuckin' dumb to hope for something. You see that now, don't ya, Billy?

Do you feel stupid for dreaming for so long? 'Cause you are stupid. You're a goddamn moron for thinkin' you could still get what you wanted after everything you've done, after all the people you've killed. Why the fuck would you get the happy ending _they_ deserved but _you_ took from them? It don't make sense.

That's why you're fucking here, Billy, and that's why everything's gonna end in all the ways you never wanted it to. Because you went and fucked up on the outside, now you get to rot in here with the rest of 'em. Can you smell that, Billy? That stuff in the air that makes you choke and your eyes start waterin' all of a sudden? Its called decay, and that's what you're gonna do for the rest of your life in here, alone. You better accept that before you lose what pathetic shred of sanity you got left.

And one day, after years and years of this fuckin' place where no one cares if you just don't wake up one mornin', they're gonna ask you some shit. They're gonna ask if you learned your lesson, if you could take it all back if you could. And what are you gonna say, Billy? You gonna lie and say you've seen the error of your ways, that you regret killin' all them people? Yeah fuckin' right. What's the point of lying, anyways? You're in here for life. You ain't ever gettin' out. So why not just tell 'em the truth for once in your goddamn life?

Why don't you tell them that you lied to daddy when you were just a lost little boy? Tell 'em that mommy made money too, but daddy didn't know, because you never told him, Billy. You saw and you heard everything, but you still kept your mouth shut. You fucked up. And then you tried your damn hardest to fix it, which just tore everything up all over again, because that's what you're good at, ain't it? It's why mommy stopped caring, and it's why daddy stopped coming home at night.

Why don't you tell them about all the people you killed for Sal, huh? How you watched as the life drained from their eyes, how they went stiff and cold but you felt warm and happy and more _alive_ than you ever had? Because you're a fuckin' monster, Billy. A monster.

You threw away everything that made you a good person and became this... this _thing_ that could hurt without being hurt. But wait, that's another lie, ain't it? 'Cause even though killin' those people felt like you were doing something for someone, that maybe you could be somebody and get the job done right for once in your fuckin' life, it was a lie. You felt the pain, oh God how you felt it. It eats you up at night, makes you wake up screaming and crying like a fuckin' pussy whenever you could sleep because you're fucked up in the head. Why don't you admit you're weak, Billy? You know it, so why does it matter if everyone else does too? They don't mean nothing to you, and you sure as hell don't mean nothing to them.

And while you're at it, why don't you tell them that you hear voices? Tell 'em you hear all the people you killed screaming in your head all fuckin' day and night asking "Why? Why did I have to die?". And you wish you could tell 'em why, you really do. But you don't even know why, do you, Billy? You got no fuckin' idea why they had to die; you just did what you were told and killed who they said to kill. That was your mistake, and that's why you became a mistake.

I hope this fuckin' world taught you something real important, Billy. I hope you learned that you can't always just push the pain to someone else, 'cause the more you try not to feel the pain of what you've done, the more it actually hurts. I hope you learned that you can't do bad shit to good people and expect to end up happy as a clam like in those fuckin' fairytales. It don't work like that. But by the time you understood that, it was too late, wasn't it? Knowing all this shit now don't change nothin', no matter how much you wish it could.

So now that's it's all said and done, do you really think you were ever gonna end up happy? Really and truly? You ain't a man of God, pal, that's for fuckin' sure, but you always believed in people getting what they deserved. After all, you said it to every other low life piece of garbage just like you that crossed you. Did you think you were exempt from that rule or something, you moron? 'Cause you're not! You aren't, Billy! And this is why you're gonna pay for what you did! So stop complainin', 'cause this is all your fault! It's always been your fucking fault!

Do you get it now? Do you? Do you finally see everything you did was wrong all along, Billy? That's why you gotta die a man who believed he could be somebody, and then a man who really thought he was somebody, and then a man who finally realized he never was anybody, and that he never will be.

So, yeah. In the end, no matter how it all ends up, you have no one to blame but yourself.

Sorry, Billy.

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**Reviews would be great :)**


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